By Danny Katz
February 14, 2008
Love is not always a splendid thing but certainly a mood to be endured.
YOU younger readers probably won't know what I'm talking about here — anybody who wasn't around in the 1970s and '80s, that golden era of wonder and joy, when computers were only used for playing Frogger, peanuts hadn't started killing children yet, and circumcised doodles were the cutting-edge of male pret-a-porter high-style fashion. In that glorious age of innocence, there was a famous cartoon series called "Love is … ", which featured a little naked boy and a little naked girl, cuddling and kissing each other, with a romantic caption underneath like "Love is … being able to say you are sorry" or "Love is … a picture of happiness", and everyone adored these cartoons because back then, naked eight-year-olds getting it on was considered charming and sentimental. These days you look at cartoons like that, you can wind up doing 14 years in a Cambodian prison with Gary Glitter.
Anyway, because it's Valentine's Day today, I thought it'd be a great opportunity to revive the "Love is …" cartoon series, but update it for the modern couple of 2008. So here are a few of my ideas for romantic captions — I haven't got round to drawing the pictures yet, but just imagine a naked boy and a naked girl, loosely based on my beloved and me, so she's looking svelte and leggy and cute, and he's looking a bit lank and furry, like something a plumber yanked out of a shower drain at a caravan park in Lorne.
"Love is … avoiding breaking wind in each other's face." I know it's not always easy, but the message here is, make an effort to leave the room, or at least aim out a doorway. I'm so considerate, I actually go into the backyard, down the side of the house, and stand up against the fence so nobody will be offended or bothered — although Toshio, the Japanese lady next door, does keep calling AGL to report a leak.
"Love is … tolerating each other's idiotic idiosyncrasies." Sometimes your partner can do things that are a bit grating — and in my beloved's case, it's her grating. She will cook a zucchini dish, and grate nine-tenths of the zucchini into the dish, then put the remaining 10th of the zucchini back in the fridge. WHY COULDN'T SHE JUST USE THAT LAST 10TH? WOULD THE DISH HAVE TASTED SO DIFFERENT WITH A 10TH MORE ZUCCHINI-FLAVOUR? AND NOW WHAT'S ANYONE SUPPOSED TO DO WITH A ZUCCHINI IN THE FRIDGE THAT IS MISSING NINE-TENTHS?
YOU younger readers probably won't know what I'm talking about here — anybody who wasn't around in the 1970s and '80s, that golden era of wonder and joy, when computers were only used for playing Frogger, peanuts hadn't started killing children yet, and circumcised doodles were the cutting-edge of male pret-a-porter high-style fashion. In that glorious age of innocence, there was a famous cartoon series called "Love is … ", which featured a little naked boy and a little naked girl, cuddling and kissing each other, with a romantic caption underneath like "Love is … being able to say you are sorry" or "Love is … a picture of happiness", and everyone adored these cartoons because back then, naked eight-year-olds getting it on was considered charming and sentimental. These days you look at cartoons like that, you can wind up doing 14 years in a Cambodian prison with Gary Glitter.
Anyway, because it's Valentine's Day today, I thought it'd be a great opportunity to revive the "Love is …" cartoon series, but update it for the modern couple of 2008. So here are a few of my ideas for romantic captions — I haven't got round to drawing the pictures yet, but just imagine a naked boy and a naked girl, loosely based on my beloved and me, so she's looking svelte and leggy and cute, and he's looking a bit lank and furry, like something a plumber yanked out of a shower drain at a caravan park in Lorne.
"Love is … avoiding breaking wind in each other's face." I know it's not always easy, but the message here is, make an effort to leave the room, or at least aim out a doorway. I'm so considerate, I actually go into the backyard, down the side of the house, and stand up against the fence so nobody will be offended or bothered — although Toshio, the Japanese lady next door, does keep calling AGL to report a leak.
"Love is … tolerating each other's idiotic idiosyncrasies." Sometimes your partner can do things that are a bit grating — and in my beloved's case, it's her grating. She will cook a zucchini dish, and grate nine-tenths of the zucchini into the dish, then put the remaining 10th of the zucchini back in the fridge. WHY COULDN'T SHE JUST USE THAT LAST 10TH? WOULD THE DISH HAVE TASTED SO DIFFERENT WITH A 10TH MORE ZUCCHINI-FLAVOUR? AND NOW WHAT'S ANYONE SUPPOSED TO DO WITH A ZUCCHINI IN THE FRIDGE THAT IS MISSING NINE-TENTHS?
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