Alienation and Relationships

“. . . the world has been reduced from naturalists to labors and countries to markets with a sole purpose of gaining profit. The ultimate justification of all interactions leaves no space for selflessness, altruism and fair-minded service.”

by Aarohi V Mekvan

In the 19th century, inhumanity meant cruelty and in the 20th century, it means self-alienation. Alienation is an often tragic form of dislocation which entails disruption between the hopes, dreams, aspirations, relationships and social world which seems to be moving in a sphere. The victim's relationships can be sabotaged equally or particularly through verbal pressure, threats, diversions, distortion campaigns and systems of rewards as well as punishments.

The industrial and scientific age has recreated the world of complexities along with specialties which is incapable of perceptions holistically. It is possible for people to manipulate their identity while keeping their privacy. Nowadays, the world has been reduced from naturalists to labors and countries to markets with a sole purpose of gaining profit. The ultimate justification of all interactions leaves no space for selflessness, altruism and fair-minded service. It is all about head-over-heels dependency on technology which gives illusion of self-sufficiency. Deprived of human warmth, the world is swamped with loneliness.

Psychologist Erich Fromm quoted in The Art of Loving, "Man's happiness today subsides in 'having fun'. The world is one great object for our appetite; a big apple, a big bottle, a big breast."

“There is a greater challenge to correlate individual welfare with the general welfare.”

The cult of the present generation asserts someone's rights to put one's interests ahead of everything around with individualism. This leads to the damaging effects on relationships and an individualized partner holds no reason to put the other's interest ahead of the own. 

The human potential movement with its stress on individualization and liberation rocks the swaying boat further. In search of the perfect relationship, peace, happiness and harmony; individuals meet as well as part. As Art of Living states, "Taking responsibility for the universe opens us to the possibility that our external conflicts in relationships are a reflection of our own internal conflicts."

The search for completion is behind the burning quest for love and can only be ended when it leads somebody back to true oneself with the blissful feeling caused by love. To make relationships work today, one has to look for a way to straddle stability and fluidity with constancy as well as change. Being aware of choices in one's own behavior leads one to take responsibility for relationships. Moving beyond ego helps to perceive situations uncolored by self-interest of resolved conflicts without allegations of abuse and neglect. Relationships cannot survive without stability for the sheer joy of communion as if one was travelling from one adventure to the other.

Today's relationships are caves. Man is pitted against woman, parents against the offspring, employer against the employee and capitalism against environment. There is a greater challenge to correlate individual welfare with the general welfare. If one fails to compete in that challenge, the lesser individualistic partner becomes true to own self. Sufferer's defenses would definitely drop away and one becomes highly vulnerable to the dilemmas.

After initial exhilarating love, man starts complaining about woman's unreasonable demands and outbursts. Above all, there stands a need to listen to each other rather than working on sidestep conflicts and offering solutions too fast. Importing the western obsession with romantic love, many of us rejoice as it is like the universe that we feel. However, this type of relation may lack tolerance, love, understanding and mutual respect affecting the longevity of the relationship. Erich Fromm also describes four qualities of a perfect relation namely care, responsibility, respect and knowledge. Care represents the active concern for the life and the growth of one's love. Responsibility is a feeling accountable for one's fellow human beings as well as for oneself. Respect is the ability to see a person as naturally as one really is and knowledge hails to respect a person on account of reasonableness.

A love lasts forever; as said by those in touch with the spirit world. For the extremely satisfying conclusion, the importance of relationships comes down to more mundane levels where relationships are vitally important for our earthly well-being without any correlation to the amassing wealth and possessions. Alienation is considered medically as splitting apart of the faculties of the mind when an individual feels as estrangement from one's community, society or world. A mutual bond can never reach its ultimate level of happiness and maturity until and unless both understand the feeling of responsibility and commitment.

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